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..perhaps, only perhaps..

April 18, 2012 1 comment

He woke up to the sweat beads on his forehead gleaming in the heat of sun shining bright through the windows. This summer had been unrelentingly hot. It was 07:30 am on the clock and the alarm was yet to go off. He made another attempt at sleeping till the next 15 minutes but his joints ached and cracked echoing the tattered & hollow remains of aspirations he had once had of himself. These days, he would try to avoid the robotic rugtug of routine disappointment that was his day by being in denial of all things real. Real in itself was misnomer of a word, it seemed. He would dress up in formals, succumbing to the corporate drudgery that was more fluff and less substance – day after day after day. He smiled less often and the less often he smiled was a smile so artificial, he could feel cracks surface at the edge of his lips – just like the very moment in time a glass would stand held together by an assemblage of pieces before disintegrating into meaningless waste.

A moment of clarity lasts long enough, each day, every day, to numb the lack of any aim. He smiles, puts on his face for the world and walks on. Perhaps, only perhaps, may he one day find a reason to walk, and walk with hope.

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Categories: Uncategorized

..Make a wish, will you?..

March 15, 2012 1 comment

Of the many things keeping me away from jumping off a cliff in a fit of rage and helplessness is the desire to not give the pleasure of watching this to others. Or worse, pity me for that. No, seriously. Things have been very, very convoluted over the last few weeks and they continue being so ever since. Its a vast expanse of emptiness after emptiness. Hollow, dark and dreary only to continue getting worse. Yet I must smile. Social conduct dictates so. Fuck that. Its I versus them. Happy Birthday to me.

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QnA

February 26, 2011 Leave a comment

Q: Why are you single?

A: I tend to like very bitchy women. I find myself most attracted to smart, sarcastic, bitchy women.

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…Old times and a new Year…

January 4, 2011 1 comment

With the swiftness of wind and gentleness of a caressing breeze, a day on the calender changed and celebrations burst vivid colors in the night sky. A decade had passed, said some, and cheers was the cry of joy all around. What however, did not change, let alone pass, was the fact that like all the previous years, this last night of December and the hung-over morning of the day later, earthly beings made resolutions ! Resolutions to  improvise the little imperfections that they perceived in their own stupid selves…which, albeit are rarely held onto, are undeniably a fantastic promise. These pseudo promises empower us with the belief that change is possible and oodles of optimism oozes out of our radiant selves.

Strange & demented (at times) that I am, I somehow felt that its good to have some memories which are untarnished, unaltered and untouched by the trivialities of change and modernity. A safe haven of memories, wherein we can successfully search for serenity, everlasting peace, an unending calm of restlessness, and in my case, early signs of dementia. For some, I would like to assume, these are the memories which make the glitzy gadgety present fade out in comparison to the cold, grey, yet a beautiful, resplendent past. A past, of simplistic expectations, pruned, to make way for the simplest of joys and smiles.

Lucky for me, I happened to have spent 4 years of my mortal life in a small hamlet of lunatics, which, I do not doubt, offers a live tour of my past anytime I go there. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am talking of Karad. Due to some reason which involved free food, I happened to be there very recently. The air smelled of cane, the rickshaws ferried half a dozen guys, the college staff seemed hostile, the hostel walls smelled of piss, the college grounds grew shrubs as tall as cane,  the lunatics (some call these undeserving morons as profs) seemed insensitive and uncaring, the walls seemed numb to the oblivious pain of being in the presence of lunatics and the history, the only good thing the place can offer in the future, seemed like being eroded, root by root and getting disgruntled with each passing day.

As I kept on hoping to find my everlasting peace, I realized that all these voids in the very same place, were once full with the most precious of all things – friends ! I still had felt that the sweetest of times was when half a dozen of us had crammed in a rick to catch a train that we would have just missed,  I would still feel great at the hostility of the college lunatics had I known that they would be referred to by some unwritable and fun names later on, I would still have felt sorry for the history being eroded and yet a sweet satisfaction would engulf me thinking I would be a part of it in the future, and I would still have laughed and cursed at the smell of piss on hostel walls had Fuse would have been there to tell us that his room had attached LatBaths !!

Lucky that I am, I was with the same bunch of half a dozen guys at that cold last night of December listening to their resolutions for the coming year. Whether they change or not, they (and luckily enough for me, many many such half a dozens) make up the empty voids in space and time in my happiest of memories. Cheers to them and cheers to you all for reading this and wish you a delightful year ahead.

Categories: Uncategorized

..Seasons..

December 7, 2010 3 comments

It became increasingly unpleasant to let the eyes peek out of the comfort of a warm blanket and prepare for a day of work…A day which I believe, mortal sloths dread and despise the most..Monday !! Days have now become sleep inducing pleasure pills. Mist sometimes sweeps in through the windows and brings the fragrance of the greens in the living confines..or so would I like to think. The fan has stopped making the now accustomed noise, which gives the feeling as if the milieu that I reside in, is a different entity altogether than what once was a few days back. I lay anchored in bed, just observing..

Out the window, a grey world awaits all. Urchins covered in torn woollens sell mufflers and hand gloves at the traffic junctions. Layers of wool hide the fat beneath it, on people walking by. Street dogs lie curled up resembling a snail minus its shell. Cell phone rings..informing of the tickets which are booked for the holiday season..Nature’s call necessitates to weigh anchor next. As bare feet touch the floor, a chill sends shudder up the legs. The mirror reflects disarrayed hair, a dry skin and the look is surprisingly like that of a cantankerous kid. As the tap is swivelled to let a gush of water out, its cold touch make the hands freeze and writhe in agony.

Dusk descends pretty much early making inroads for the dark to befall. Nobody seems to be acutely aware, or gives a hoot, of the absence of sun..or so would I think..during the day.

For the security keeping guard at the gates, late nights are spent soaking heat on hands close by the fire. Just the whites of the eyes peer from the guards’ monkey caps. Their tight fitting sweaters make their bellies protrude and complement the big bad moustaches which probably never saw a razor lately. Early mornings smell of copper vessels heating water as its aroma accentuates the smoke it emanates. The remains of the grey green leaves carry the delicate dew drops as its prized possession for the morning.

Like the undisturbed dew drops resting its flight in the lap of leaves, I snuggle back in the warmth of my blanket after spending the last few hours of nothingness, doing…well…absolutely nothing. The serenade of silence redeems the calm..and the eyes droop..

Winter..I love you..and Mondays..I don’t..

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A day in the office..

December 2, 2010 1 comment

Clitter Clatter Clitter Clutter..The sound of keys being typed in to work the 14″ monitor to promulgate needs (some call em results or the geeks say its output) strikes like a hammer in the back of my head…or whatever has remained there..to be precise. A dear friend of mine had once said…” Being surrounded by nincompoops all around is potentially hazardous and an insult to your intellect.” Sitting here in my tiny cubicle, these words make a dent in my mind as they echo in the walls of my cerebrum. Enlightenment can dawn in any way…they say..I wait with anxiety..The nincompoops indeed have been and still are an insult to my intellect !!

PS – I had not intended to write anything related to the office here..But for once, it got me writing something rather than nothing..

 

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..Fading night..

November 26, 2010 1 comment

Its calm here…An ethereal, uncondescending sense of tranquillity is all pervasive in the dark of this night..What springs surprise is that this tranquillity causes an inner turmoil in the confines of a mind that has been (and probably still is) a victim of ‘rationale’..Rationale, that dictates actions which do not necessarily comprehend the inner turmoil. Rationale, that takes undue advantage of being what it is..a wicked tenet that plays havoc with the serene sense of oneness..

Dawn peeks in from the blanket of darkness..the tranquil calm suspends like thin fog lifting up to paint a haze in the morning air..My eyes must now rest..Let those guided by rationale begin their day, for I have more such calms to attend to..

 

 

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized